I haven't sat to write in months, but I prayed for help and you're my answer.
I lost someone a while back (A year and 6 months ago to be exact) and didn't speak to my friends about it until this week. To them, I still carried the heaviness from that loss and would only begin to heal after the conversation with them.
But I didn't feel that way.
An analogy that explains grief pretty well is the one of the pin in a pocket… sometimes you forget it's there, until a certain [or uncertain] force rocks you and causes the pin to prick you. And then the feeling comes back, just like the first time.
So, grief can be a lot of things and can come in various forms, like an acquaintance who’s never too far away.
The thing is, there's no rule book on how to address it. And even if there was one, it can be damned for all we care.
Tobe, I'm pretty sure your Grandfather is so proud of you (I used present tense because we never really lose people even when we lose them).
I'm sure he thinks of you and smiles because he can see a better version of himself in you. Through this beautiful thing called Family, from one generation to another.
Cry as loudly as your voice allows. Smile, and laugh and rant and dance to whatever tune this phase plays.
And I'm also sure your mum has a lot of stories you probably haven't heard about him, that could be a good start, yunno.
I only hope you never forget that at the forefront of all of this, there is [and was] a chance to be compassionate and to love and be loved.
A life well lived, no matter how it seems, should be celebrated, even at the end.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you ride this wave, and others, like the rockstar that you are :)
I’m so sorry for your loss, I understand your pain through and through.
I lost my dad in December and life has never been the same again. I’ve never been this helpless in my life, it’s hardd.
They say it gets better with time but that’s just us trying to be humane towards the grieved.
Honestly, it doesn’t get better, you just get to live through the pain.
You’re reminded everyday by everything and the only thing that gets you through is the memories you shared.
For me that’s what keeps me going, for every time I’ve had to be reminded greatly by a happening about my loss, I envelope myself in the most happy memories of my dad and it helps.
Sending you loads of love Tobe and pray you get the strength to go through this.
I lost my dad 6 weeks ago i found out after my exams i had a four unit course the next day my family tried to keep it from me.i asked about my mom amd my brother went back to my room carried my book and read the hardest thing id ever done in my entire life .you cant downplay grief i wasnt even at the burial,i couldn’t even mourn properly.im still grieving still trying to live laugh and love.You will survive tobe we will survive
Oh my dearest dearest Tobe, this brought me to tears. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Just know your grandpa is so proud of you. He knew you were going to be a lawyer, even before you were called to the bar. He’s always cheering you on, and I know he's still watching over you with a smile, beaming with pride. I never met any of my grandparents, but my mom talks about her mom all the time, and it feels like I've known her all my life. It's okay to grieve, Tobe It's okay to not be okay. Sending you a big, warm hug.
Take time to heal and grieve sweetheart. Go to therapy if you need to. Just don't bottle it up. That's the only way it won't get better. It might eventually but you'd take longer to heal if you do. I love you my Tobaby💘🫂
Tobe, reading your post, I couldn’t help but feel like our pains echo in some strange way. I too know the weight of losing someone dear, and the timing of it feels almost cruel. Just two days before my graduation, I lost my grandmother. I walked across that stage with a first-class degree, but I couldn’t celebrate. It felt hollow without her there. Now, I’m left wondering should I be upset with her for leaving me then? Or is it me, for not being present enough in those last moments?
I’ve always thought I had a way of understanding my emotions, but grief cannot be understood , can it? It’s a presence that swallows you whole, leaving you with a silence you can’t explain. There’s a kind of guilt that lingers, and sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever let go of it.
What struck me in your words is that grief is not something we can control or understand all at once. It changes us, becomes a part of us, woven into the fabric of who we are. I find comfort in knowing that, in our shared pain, there’s a connection we can hold on to, one that reminds us we’re never truly alone, even when it feels like we are.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Tobe. It’s a reminder that, despite the hurt, we carry those we’ve lost with us, in every step we take.
Sometimes grief feels unreal, it's hard to let go, it's harder because you have to.
I hope you find the strength to go through this phase.
It will hurt, you'll cry, you'd be confused but in so sure that you'll pull through because you are strong at heart.
And no, grandpa hasn't left you, he's right there, maybe not physically but you can be sure he's watching over you and he is incredibly proud of his lawyer.
I lost someone too and all I could say was what if? What if I had done this? Maybe, just maybe, they would still be around. Only if I treated them better. So many thoughts. Grief is a heavy responsibility and it never leaves the heart. Forever there but the weight can be lessened with time. My condolences 🙏
You really cannot soft launch grief; sometimes it comes and immerses abruptly, even if it's 5 years later.
When I lost my cousin; I remember sitting in the living room, comforting her sisters and then staring at the roof in the dark of the night, wondering why I didn't cry even though it hurt.
I told myself that;
“It would be weird to cry, you didn't know her well enough.” (because we weren't infact tight cousins)
5 years later, at a random event in my school as I sat and waited for it begin;
I began to bawl out my eyes (in public). There was an ache, something that wouldn't go away and I wondered what it was. Then suddenly, I picked up my phone and went to Facebook to see the pictures of her that we posted then and the ones before that.
I cried because I needed and I have needed to for years; but somehow I felt likt it wasn't my place.
You really cannot downplay grief; and I am happy you shared this Tobe, I pray that the Lord will comfort you and help me through this time💗
For some reason this made my cry,I never met any of my grand parents and I really wished I did.my condolences Tobe and I know ur grandpa is so proud of his lawyer
today feels like a soft wind. nothing loud. just there.
thank you for sharing your heart.
you made me feel like i knew him too.
grief is heavy. but love is heavier.
have you eaten? are you drinking water?
you don’t have to say “rest in peace” yet.
just keep saying “i love you.”
that’s more than enough.(please check your inbox it would make my day )
I haven't sat to write in months, but I prayed for help and you're my answer.
I lost someone a while back (A year and 6 months ago to be exact) and didn't speak to my friends about it until this week. To them, I still carried the heaviness from that loss and would only begin to heal after the conversation with them.
But I didn't feel that way.
An analogy that explains grief pretty well is the one of the pin in a pocket… sometimes you forget it's there, until a certain [or uncertain] force rocks you and causes the pin to prick you. And then the feeling comes back, just like the first time.
So, grief can be a lot of things and can come in various forms, like an acquaintance who’s never too far away.
The thing is, there's no rule book on how to address it. And even if there was one, it can be damned for all we care.
Tobe, I'm pretty sure your Grandfather is so proud of you (I used present tense because we never really lose people even when we lose them).
I'm sure he thinks of you and smiles because he can see a better version of himself in you. Through this beautiful thing called Family, from one generation to another.
Cry as loudly as your voice allows. Smile, and laugh and rant and dance to whatever tune this phase plays.
And I'm also sure your mum has a lot of stories you probably haven't heard about him, that could be a good start, yunno.
I only hope you never forget that at the forefront of all of this, there is [and was] a chance to be compassionate and to love and be loved.
A life well lived, no matter how it seems, should be celebrated, even at the end.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you ride this wave, and others, like the rockstar that you are :)
Dear Tobe
I’m so sorry for your loss, I understand your pain through and through.
I lost my dad in December and life has never been the same again. I’ve never been this helpless in my life, it’s hardd.
They say it gets better with time but that’s just us trying to be humane towards the grieved.
Honestly, it doesn’t get better, you just get to live through the pain.
You’re reminded everyday by everything and the only thing that gets you through is the memories you shared.
For me that’s what keeps me going, for every time I’ve had to be reminded greatly by a happening about my loss, I envelope myself in the most happy memories of my dad and it helps.
Sending you loads of love Tobe and pray you get the strength to go through this.
May his beautiful soul rest in peace.
I lost my dad 6 weeks ago i found out after my exams i had a four unit course the next day my family tried to keep it from me.i asked about my mom amd my brother went back to my room carried my book and read the hardest thing id ever done in my entire life .you cant downplay grief i wasnt even at the burial,i couldn’t even mourn properly.im still grieving still trying to live laugh and love.You will survive tobe we will survive
My most sincere condolences.
Oh my dearest dearest Tobe, this brought me to tears. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Just know your grandpa is so proud of you. He knew you were going to be a lawyer, even before you were called to the bar. He’s always cheering you on, and I know he's still watching over you with a smile, beaming with pride. I never met any of my grandparents, but my mom talks about her mom all the time, and it feels like I've known her all my life. It's okay to grieve, Tobe It's okay to not be okay. Sending you a big, warm hug.
Oh my Tobe🥺indeed you can't soft launch grief
it's okay not to be okay.
Take time to heal and grieve sweetheart. Go to therapy if you need to. Just don't bottle it up. That's the only way it won't get better. It might eventually but you'd take longer to heal if you do. I love you my Tobaby💘🫂
May Abba console you and be with you in Jesus name Amen.
Tobe, reading your post, I couldn’t help but feel like our pains echo in some strange way. I too know the weight of losing someone dear, and the timing of it feels almost cruel. Just two days before my graduation, I lost my grandmother. I walked across that stage with a first-class degree, but I couldn’t celebrate. It felt hollow without her there. Now, I’m left wondering should I be upset with her for leaving me then? Or is it me, for not being present enough in those last moments?
I’ve always thought I had a way of understanding my emotions, but grief cannot be understood , can it? It’s a presence that swallows you whole, leaving you with a silence you can’t explain. There’s a kind of guilt that lingers, and sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever let go of it.
What struck me in your words is that grief is not something we can control or understand all at once. It changes us, becomes a part of us, woven into the fabric of who we are. I find comfort in knowing that, in our shared pain, there’s a connection we can hold on to, one that reminds us we’re never truly alone, even when it feels like we are.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Tobe. It’s a reminder that, despite the hurt, we carry those we’ve lost with us, in every step we take.
So sorry to read this, Tobe
The way you feel? It's valid.
Sometimes grief feels unreal, it's hard to let go, it's harder because you have to.
I hope you find the strength to go through this phase.
It will hurt, you'll cry, you'd be confused but in so sure that you'll pull through because you are strong at heart.
And no, grandpa hasn't left you, he's right there, maybe not physically but you can be sure he's watching over you and he is incredibly proud of his lawyer.
We love you Tobe
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost someone too and all I could say was what if? What if I had done this? Maybe, just maybe, they would still be around. Only if I treated them better. So many thoughts. Grief is a heavy responsibility and it never leaves the heart. Forever there but the weight can be lessened with time. My condolences 🙏
My condolences and may his gentle soul rest in perfect peace ❤️🩹
Amen 🥺
You really cannot soft launch grief; sometimes it comes and immerses abruptly, even if it's 5 years later.
When I lost my cousin; I remember sitting in the living room, comforting her sisters and then staring at the roof in the dark of the night, wondering why I didn't cry even though it hurt.
I told myself that;
“It would be weird to cry, you didn't know her well enough.” (because we weren't infact tight cousins)
5 years later, at a random event in my school as I sat and waited for it begin;
I began to bawl out my eyes (in public). There was an ache, something that wouldn't go away and I wondered what it was. Then suddenly, I picked up my phone and went to Facebook to see the pictures of her that we posted then and the ones before that.
I cried because I needed and I have needed to for years; but somehow I felt likt it wasn't my place.
You really cannot downplay grief; and I am happy you shared this Tobe, I pray that the Lord will comfort you and help me through this time💗
My Tobe!🥹❤️
May his soul rest well, and I just know he's smiling proudly at his lawyer.
Sending hugs!🫂
For some reason this made my cry,I never met any of my grand parents and I really wished I did.my condolences Tobe and I know ur grandpa is so proud of his lawyer