this felt so close. like you were saying everything i’ve been feeling but couldn’t name. the tiredness. the pressure to write. the weird in-between-ness of abuja. God. i relate way more than i want to admit.
and the part about sitting in front of your ipad, not writing. i’ve been there too. thinking maybe if the lighting was different or the chair more comfortable or the screen less broken, the words would come. but really, it’s just the grief. the kind you don’t know how to let out yet. the kind that stays behind your eyes and weighs your hands down.
sometimes it’s not that we don’t want to write, it’s that our hearts are too full to form coherent sentences. or maybe too afraid to say goodbye because tributes always sound like goodbyes. and how do you say goodbye to a person who still feels so present in memory, in legacy, in the pauses between our sentences?
and hey, maybe you weren’t taught how to write a tribute. but you were taught how to remember. and how to feel. and how to write that feeling down so beautifully that someone like me can sit halfway across the city and feel a little less alone.
thank you for writing this. i think you’ve already begun.
The in-between-ness of Abuja, the picking apart, everyone trying to decipher what caste you belong to... the humility that you feel is performed but you don't want to feel like your too guarded so you ignore that feeling.
Tobaby!, I’m done, I’ve read every single word! And what I can say is, your words carry a quiet power, raw, aching, and real. This wasn’t just a reflection; it was already a tribute. You’ve started it without even meaning to, and maybe that’s the most honest kind of farewell. No one teaches us how to mourn or become. We just try. What you’ve written is full of trying to feel, to remember, to write through the ache. That is the tribute. Not perfect, but true. And that’s enough. Keep writing, even when it’s hard. Especially then.
And again my birthday was 8days ago😝😹, funny and I was expecting a letter and I received nothing, but it’s fine I don’t forgive you sha.
I’ve not read this letter o, but I want to warn you, the next time you’ll leave us for a whole 4weeks without a letter ehn we’ll ambush you in your house😭😹, and force you to write to us😡
How I love a read from you, Tobe. Feels like a hug every time. I missed you sooo much 💘💘💘
This made me pause… it’s so tender, and so human. Maybe the tribute is already here — between the grief, the waiting, and the words you didn’t force. I’m proud of you for writing, even in the ache.
Hi tobe,I’ve been anticipating your newsletter but I didn’t think it would indirectly speak to me like this,I find it hard to express myself in words so I just write,I write when I’m sad,when I’m happy,when I take a good photo of the sunset,when I lose a friend,when I realize I’ve been friends with a certain person for so long,I write a lot but I just stopped writing all of a sudden and I didn’t know why until I lost my dad.
I couldn’t write anything until a sunny afternoon,four months after his death,I wanted to write every and anything and I did but just like you,I realized I didn’t know how to write a tribute,I’m yet to write a tribute for my “not so old man” so I know how it feels,I really hope you get to write a tribute for your grandad sooner than later,and I hope I can eventually write something for my dad🙂
Im actually a new reader and this is the first post I've ead. For some reason I immediately pegged you to be a girl, so I read this with the same tone of voice I used for Kambili from Purple Hibiscus.
I cannot describe my pleasant shock to see your picture at the end. A personal plot twist... the wording had delicacy and depth.
I hope you get out of your slump sooner than later. I hope one day the words you want to write come to you.
My day is so and so, I'm hungry and I just want this work meeting to end 🤧😭
The way you meld different directions and thoughts into a piece of writing is amazing. Kind of like a soothing balm, your words offer comfort that feels almost knowing. Loved this piece. ❤️
It’s the way you write, I love it so much that sometimes I feel every emotion you express through your writing.
If you can don’t view your tribute as your final goodbye, he is always going to be with you and you’ll still get to experience him even in his absence,that’s not the only time you can express all the love you have for him, you can always do that.
You can write about him and express how you feel every single time the strong emotion that accompanies loss comes around and trust me it does but it’s a part of life and I like to view it as love because it just goes to show that you loved him so much that even after time has passed you still feel the pain of his loss.
I started writing after I lost my dad, it was the best way I could process what I was feeling at that time maybe writing can do that for you too even if what you write makes sense to no one but you.
At times as a writer I feel like it’s because I’m tapping on screen that’s limiting my creativity and when I try the traditional pen and paper it’s pretty much same result except with mindless doodling on the side of the page .. and I’m yet to try out laptop but it will be pretty much the same if there’s no inspiration.
Maybe it’s time like this that writers are supposed to go out and touch grass - literally.
But a writer who doesn’t write is still a writer— just on a temporary break.
I’ve been feeling many things lately too . No one really teaches us how to grow .we just tend to experience it as the years go by .
Thanks for writing to us and it’s good to know you’re not sorry for writing but you’re rather aware .
We’d be here for you anytime . I love that I get to talk to through this space and bare my heart out .
Grief is painful and I don’t think people really heal from losing a loved one because I’ve not healed even after all these years but then I learned to live with the grief….its okay not to be okay sometimes ❤️
Hi Tobe.
I'm speechless but I wanna leave you with this at least.
Maybe the tribute you thought you needed to write needed to be told with your heart.
Sometimes, we don't have words to explain how we feel.
You never needed to understand grief, you just had to sit with it and make peace with it.
You don't always have to "become", sometimes we just need to BE.
I hope you're guided and my day is going splendid.
Yayyy!!!
My favorite notification 🥹💗
Me too
this felt so close. like you were saying everything i’ve been feeling but couldn’t name. the tiredness. the pressure to write. the weird in-between-ness of abuja. God. i relate way more than i want to admit.
and the part about sitting in front of your ipad, not writing. i’ve been there too. thinking maybe if the lighting was different or the chair more comfortable or the screen less broken, the words would come. but really, it’s just the grief. the kind you don’t know how to let out yet. the kind that stays behind your eyes and weighs your hands down.
sometimes it’s not that we don’t want to write, it’s that our hearts are too full to form coherent sentences. or maybe too afraid to say goodbye because tributes always sound like goodbyes. and how do you say goodbye to a person who still feels so present in memory, in legacy, in the pauses between our sentences?
and hey, maybe you weren’t taught how to write a tribute. but you were taught how to remember. and how to feel. and how to write that feeling down so beautifully that someone like me can sit halfway across the city and feel a little less alone.
thank you for writing this. i think you’ve already begun.
56 days and still counting since I last wrote.
Have I tried absolutely and still yet nothing.
I also thought maybe if I had a laptop, the click clack of the keyboard would make it better.
But maybe I don't just know how to write anymore.
Life has been confusing lately and just funny in general.
So take it easy.
And yes, they didn't teach us how to say the final goodbye.
Neither were we taught how to become but yet look at us turning out our finest.
Even on our gray days
The in-between-ness of Abuja, the picking apart, everyone trying to decipher what caste you belong to... the humility that you feel is performed but you don't want to feel like your too guarded so you ignore that feeling.
Abuja is interesting
Tobaby!, I’m done, I’ve read every single word! And what I can say is, your words carry a quiet power, raw, aching, and real. This wasn’t just a reflection; it was already a tribute. You’ve started it without even meaning to, and maybe that’s the most honest kind of farewell. No one teaches us how to mourn or become. We just try. What you’ve written is full of trying to feel, to remember, to write through the ache. That is the tribute. Not perfect, but true. And that’s enough. Keep writing, even when it’s hard. Especially then.
And again my birthday was 8days ago😝😹, funny and I was expecting a letter and I received nothing, but it’s fine I don’t forgive you sha.
my day is going fineee!💘 thank you
Tobechukwu Ugeh!
I’ve not read this letter o, but I want to warn you, the next time you’ll leave us for a whole 4weeks without a letter ehn we’ll ambush you in your house😭😹, and force you to write to us😡
Yours sincerely,
Shallom (No1.Tobaby)💘
Hi Tobe.
Some things are felt before they’re written, and grief is one of them.
You don’t need the perfect words to love him well. Grief doesn’t ask for perfection, only presence.
The love you carry is already a tribute. It’s okay to write slowly, to feel deeply, to not know. My day is going well btw🫶
How I love a read from you, Tobe. Feels like a hug every time. I missed you sooo much 💘💘💘
This made me pause… it’s so tender, and so human. Maybe the tribute is already here — between the grief, the waiting, and the words you didn’t force. I’m proud of you for writing, even in the ache.
Hi tobe,I’ve been anticipating your newsletter but I didn’t think it would indirectly speak to me like this,I find it hard to express myself in words so I just write,I write when I’m sad,when I’m happy,when I take a good photo of the sunset,when I lose a friend,when I realize I’ve been friends with a certain person for so long,I write a lot but I just stopped writing all of a sudden and I didn’t know why until I lost my dad.
I couldn’t write anything until a sunny afternoon,four months after his death,I wanted to write every and anything and I did but just like you,I realized I didn’t know how to write a tribute,I’m yet to write a tribute for my “not so old man” so I know how it feels,I really hope you get to write a tribute for your grandad sooner than later,and I hope I can eventually write something for my dad🙂
Woww,so beautifully written 🤩
Im actually a new reader and this is the first post I've ead. For some reason I immediately pegged you to be a girl, so I read this with the same tone of voice I used for Kambili from Purple Hibiscus.
I cannot describe my pleasant shock to see your picture at the end. A personal plot twist... the wording had delicacy and depth.
I hope you get out of your slump sooner than later. I hope one day the words you want to write come to you.
My day is so and so, I'm hungry and I just want this work meeting to end 🤧😭
The way you meld different directions and thoughts into a piece of writing is amazing. Kind of like a soothing balm, your words offer comfort that feels almost knowing. Loved this piece. ❤️
It’s the way you write, I love it so much that sometimes I feel every emotion you express through your writing.
If you can don’t view your tribute as your final goodbye, he is always going to be with you and you’ll still get to experience him even in his absence,that’s not the only time you can express all the love you have for him, you can always do that.
You can write about him and express how you feel every single time the strong emotion that accompanies loss comes around and trust me it does but it’s a part of life and I like to view it as love because it just goes to show that you loved him so much that even after time has passed you still feel the pain of his loss.
I started writing after I lost my dad, it was the best way I could process what I was feeling at that time maybe writing can do that for you too even if what you write makes sense to no one but you.
And I hope you feel better soon.
With love❤️
Love.
At times as a writer I feel like it’s because I’m tapping on screen that’s limiting my creativity and when I try the traditional pen and paper it’s pretty much same result except with mindless doodling on the side of the page .. and I’m yet to try out laptop but it will be pretty much the same if there’s no inspiration.
Maybe it’s time like this that writers are supposed to go out and touch grass - literally.
But a writer who doesn’t write is still a writer— just on a temporary break.
Hi Tobe .
I’ve been feeling many things lately too . No one really teaches us how to grow .we just tend to experience it as the years go by .
Thanks for writing to us and it’s good to know you’re not sorry for writing but you’re rather aware .
We’d be here for you anytime . I love that I get to talk to through this space and bare my heart out .
Grief is painful and I don’t think people really heal from losing a loved one because I’ve not healed even after all these years but then I learned to live with the grief….its okay not to be okay sometimes ❤️
My day is going well Tobaby
And the words will come, gradually and slowly it will. Thank you for this.