My first kiss

this is not a love story.

The idea of a first kiss is immortal, an idea that would never truly die, it never can and I’ve always thought about why.

A first kiss means someone sees you as more than than just a friend, someone loves you and not in the way your parents and siblings do, its an introduction into teenage hood or adulthood depending on when you get yours, an introduction into ‘love’ so I thought maybe I should tell you about mine.

I thought my first kiss the world would stop, our eyes would seal shut at the same time, that all of a sudden I’d hear the birds start to whistle all of me by John legend, the world would get slower, and after that I’ll tell her how much I love her, about how much I had loved her since I laid my eyes on her. You see I didn’t watch a lot of movies growing up but from the few I did I just believed that your first kiss would be carved into your heart, now I think about it. I didn’t even have a heart.

For the movies I didn’t watch there were so many books to read, so I fell in love with reading, I fell in love with Nigerian authors and their ability to take me somewhere, take me places I’d never been, see I grew up in Benin, in a small house with big trees, and a big dream. Growing up we had a huge library and because of that I read a lot, I had no other choice than to read, unfortunately not a lot of rom coms to prepare me enough for my first kisss, but enough science books to prepare me to enter uni at 15. Be a graduate at 20, become a judge at 25, become a senior advocate of Nigeria at 26 and a Nigerian ambassador to France at 27, (when I said BIG dreams I meant it.)

I lived in a small house with a big compound so everyday I walked, I walked around, looking at every tree, drawing strings from hibiscus flowers and tasting the syrup, I learnt many things from my older siblings, I had a weird obsession with turning their friends into mine, so as time went on a part of me wanted to turn into them. To laugh like my brother, read like my sister and be confident like my older brother. Always thought my siblings were the coolest people in the world and I still think they are.

Before I forget this is a story about my first kiss, so before I continue do you remember your first kiss? And honestly I don’t mean to pry, I’m just curious, did you get the dream first kiss? Did you feel the butterflies in your stomach? because I didn’t. My first kiss was on a random day most likely a weekend cause I didn’t go to school that day or maybe I was just on holiday, there was this girl who lived down the street, her name was easy to say, one of those names that didn’t require you to roll your tongues like you were singing a song, I’d later find out I was wrong, that her actual name had 11 letters and sounded like the beginning of a beautiful poem, she decided to shorten it into something easier, I hope as I write this she’s happier now, with whichever name she chose, she had almond eyes, the type that if you looked at for too long you’d fall in love. I remember when her lips touched mine I realised, I wasn’t in love, she was not cinderella and I definitely was not a knight in a shiny armour, it didn’t feel like the movies, no flutters in my stomach, only anxiety in my chest. And just like that it was done, we never dated, never even saw after, it was over as quick as it started. My first kiss reduced into a fleeting moment

I’ve been trying to end this, I’ve been looking for the perfect quote to tie this to an important life lesson, to read it and sit back and say “DAMN…. I ATE THAT” but maybe there's no quote, no life lesson, sometimes life just is, life just happens. I didn’t get the dream first kiss and that’s okay, sometimes we don’t get what we want, and we survive. I hope you survive, survive through everything, I hope you as you read this you realise how many hoops you’ve overcome to get to where you are, you’re so so special and I genuinely mean this, tap yourself on the back today, you’re deserving of it baby. DESERVING OF EVERYTHING.

Before I forget how is your day going?