when my world gets quiet.

happy tobaby saturday

you see when my world gets quiet, i sit and i think for long and odd hours, not good thoughts, not bad thoughts. just thoughts, but perhaps it’s also because i’ve never really seen the world to be as plain and simple as that, as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ because life in itself exists in so many forms of grays.

i’m sorry i didn’t write to you last saturday, you see it’s not that i didn’t feel. it’s that sometimes in your 20s you’d feel more than you’d say and say more than you’d feel. you’d carry the weight of the world and insincerity of yourself all in the same day. so today i promised i’d write to you come rain or sunshine i must write.

it didn’t rain nor did the sun shine, it was simply grey.

more proof that life truly exist’s in the grays.

last week was girlfriend’s day and to be fair i thought about you (whether you’re a boy or a girl) i imagined what you’d be doing or who you were with and i kind of thought of it as somewhat cute like omg did you get a gift or did you give out a gift because at the end of the day love is not a feeling only to be received it’s incomparably one you too must give and i kind of hope you think about this week, in the little things.

maybe this week don’t just wait for the good morning text, be it.

be the one that says hey, with a lot of y’s (heyyyyyyyy) be too much, too kind, too sweet, try living just a tiny little bit for yourself this week my love.

secondly, i cannot believe we’re in august, and i mean this as rawly as possible, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS AUGUST? this year has gone on so fast and you know what’s crazy i dont think it’s this year. i think it’s pretty much what life is very fast and cute and daring until you lose someone you love and then life kinda sucks, but truly that’s not what this love letter is about i promise.

i know what i wanted this love letter to be about, i had planned to write a fictional story all week, specially for you, something to keep you on the edge of your sit but the time never came and when you think about it, it’s such a metaphor for life

holding off the things you want, hoping the time comes back.

sometimes, it doesn't.

so since i didn't write the fictional story for you my love.

i’d share some images from my gallery and maybe tell you brief stories about them, now let me go find these pictures.

9th of april, 2025

i took this photo on my first ever solo trip in senegal, this year i turned 23 or was it 22? actually it was taking on my exact birthdate i can’t remember now but i knew i had birthday anxiety so i didn’t want to celebrate my birthday with anyone just me alone in this resort i couldn’t pronounce nor afford. i really wish i gave myself more grace, i was certain i wanted to travel for my birthday (the actual reason behind my insistence for a birthday trip was so funny) so i scrapped every last penny i had and booked a one way ticket to senegal and this hotel that was discounted, lucky for me a week later i’d get some money and booked the return flight (spoiler alert, i missed it), i was broke, i thought i was silly for taking a trip, a birthday trip. what had i done that was deserving? i spent most of the trip trying to shoot content, trying to be a ‘good influencer’ and i never posted this picture.. because i told myself i didn’t look good enough, what a stupid lie that was. what a stupid lie that is.

such a beautiful boy in such a beautiful world,

and so are you, my love.

26th of march, 2023.

i took this photo for my first ever magazine feature, it was for guardian life, i convinced myself the outfit looked cheap, it was. and like every insecurity i let it sip through and become my identity - but you see the day itself was good, it would be the very first time i’d have an idea of what good friendships could look like, i had shot all day but my friends at the time as tired as they were… stayed with me and ensured i did this shoot. awful wrong timing but humans can be really good people. i like to think that all that is in the world cannot possibly be unkindness and you and i are proof my baby.

12th of may, 2024.

my first ever big boy apartment, more than ever i was finding myself again, this house held me, in ways no one could imagine - being the last child i never got my own room, my own luggage, my own friends. this house was mine. for the first time in forever, something was mine, also this outfit is so nastyyyyyyyy. DAMN.

fun fact i never truly got to furnishing this house, i’m of the habit of leaving things mid way, maybe that’s who i am, maybe it’s what i tell myself to console myself.

one thing is for sure, i’m always going to change, and so are you my love because fortunately nothing is ever truly permanent.

my tobaby, could you do me a favour? could you please tell me how your week went or plans you’re making for next week, it could be the most mundane thing or maybe possibly the most nerve wracking, i’ll be in the comment waiting for you. also one last thing, reply to a random comment on here today, yes they don’t know you, but someone is going to share a little piece of themselves today, please do me a favour, hold them for me my love.

before i forget, how is your day going joor?